I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
