It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
