I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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