he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Panties = found
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
