Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need a beard to bite.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
