He asked me if I "almost moaned"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
