i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
