I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
