I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
