Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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