google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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