Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
