it was like having sex with a tree stump
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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