i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
