my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
