FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
