How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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