I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
