the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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