Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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