Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Two words: blizzard sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
