youre lurking in front of me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
