This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
