Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
