Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
