just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
