Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
