I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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