Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
