Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
