Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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