we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wear drunk well.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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