I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
