Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
