i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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