she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
