My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
