i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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