Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
