"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
