but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can I color on your dick again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
