My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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