AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
