and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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