this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
