turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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