Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
