The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
