Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am naked and annoyed.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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