JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
