Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
