And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
