Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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