But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
