i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize