i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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