He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
