You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
