I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
