i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
