I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
