I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
