y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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