I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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