I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
