Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
