I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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