She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
