so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
